People play Popcat while world burns but Taiwan pipped on the pop chart

As the world watches the Taliban’s advance on Kabul, and western civilization crumbles in the face of mutant strands of RNA, citizens in a bunch of mostly democratic countries in Asia and Europe are mindlessly poking their digital devices, oblivious to the impending apocalypse.

Based on a popular meme where a cat called Oatmeal opens her mouth in the form of a perfect “O,” the game “Popcat” requires the player to simply poke the closed mouth of the cat to make it open. The player is then rewarded with the sound of a “pop.”

If the user desires more rewards of “pop” they must poke the cat’s mouth again: And again, and again, and again, stimulating burst after burst of endorphins as panacea to the pain of our dystopian present.

It’s the perfect game for a world in lockdown.

Unlike Pokemon Go, a game that resulted in zombie-like hordes shuffling through the streets of Taipei City in August 2016, Popcat doesn’t require the player to leave the comforts of their medical-authority-induced confinement. And there is no risk of the old-normal phenomena that we now fear the most: gathering.

To ensure players don’t tire of such mind-numbingly sedentary activity, the designers of Popcat have built another feature into the game to motivate users to keep popping: patriotism.

Each pop poked by a user is added to a national tally, and patriots worldwide are frantically vying to poke their county to the top of the pop chart.

Taiwan moved to the top of the pops Thursday, August 12, poking Finland out of the top spot for the first time since April. However, by Sunday, August 15, Thailand had pipped Taiwan at the post: Thailand #1, Taiwan #2.

A perusal of the top 10 countries ranking on Popcat shows a dominance of democratic countries, which begs the question: What are people in non-democratic countries doing while we utilize the small remnants of our freedom to poke our time away?

With 1.3 billion potential pokers, the People’s Republic of China currently ranks way down the list at #61 on the Popcat chart, and THAT is truly terrifying.

If China’s Supreme Leader, Xi Jinping ordered everyone in China to play #Popcat, the country could exceed Thailand’s 36 billion clicks achieved over months in less than one minute flat. But I’m sure that the people of the People’s Republic have better things to do. The great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation, for example. Then world domination in the real world.

Don’t just think about it: Just stop thinking. Play Popcat now.

Or buy me a coffee so I can keep not doing what I’m told.

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